Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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