i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
