you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
