where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
