She said her name was "party"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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