I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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