Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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