oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
