I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Still dying that you shit outside
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
