he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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