We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
