thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
