Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Semen is not good for contacts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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