i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
