Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
