Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
