peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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