I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
