I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
