I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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