I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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