Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
