You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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