I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize