two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
