I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
