if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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