the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
