wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
