There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
