You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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