it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
