I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
