well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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