I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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