I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
