there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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