john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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