dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
