last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
