the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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