he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
