I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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