Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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