A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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