We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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