I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
