....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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