If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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