Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
