How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
