please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
