After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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