So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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