youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
