mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
