I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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