Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Everclear isn't food dammit
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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