Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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