when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
