I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
