Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize