mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
