Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
